music magic mania (and why does mars not matter to me?)

so, here i am on the brink of the full moon in scorpio (at the cusp of my 5th and 6th houses), occuring some time tomorrow morning, and i feel happy yet unfulfilled. music carries the magic of bringing me ecstacy while at the same time increasing my thirst and longing for more out of life.

at the new moon i had an epiphany and wondered about going back to school for drama. i am in the process of trying to find a way to realistically accomplish my dreams of being an entertainer- i am starting with getting face time with the theater department at the school where i work- we'll see where that takes me.

so, apparently transiting mars is trining transiting uranus and my natal uranus. my progressed mars is also approaching a square (5 degree orb) with my natal uranus as well. my thing is, i never really notice mars transits or mars returns- perhaps it's because:

1. aries is intercepted in my natal 11th;
2. my natal mars is in cancer;
3. mars only makes mild (sextile) aspects to my sun and mercury and separating aspects to my uranus and pluto (9 degree orb- trine and square respectively)

i guess mars and i have no beef with each other (no afflictions) and subsequently mars wants nothing to do with me because i'm not an enemy or threat. well, fuck you too Ares!

apr 5th: aries new moon in 11th house of hopes, wishes, and group associations

so, around the time of the new moon in aries in my natal 11th, i found myself in the company of my favorite childhood friends, and nurturing a long-held but latent ambition to apply to drama school. not to mention, i got weepy dreaming about life with a lost love and also with an actor who is basically a replica of said lost love.

well, i have started looking into the drama school thing but i'm wondering if i should start attending local auditions just to get an idea of how they are conducted. i'm at a point in my life where i am taking real, concrete steps to actualize my rampant fantasy-life that is forever running in the background of my mind (natal moon/neptune square, neptune conjunct DC).

it is interesting that the transiting north node and transiting neptune are hovering in a conjunction within1-2 degrees of my natal MC. i wonder if my natural hunger and longing for the endless and undying love that i crave from another person is pushing me to seek it from an adoring audience instead? (natal pluto in 5th, neptune on 7th cusp) maybe the love i seek is meant to be given 1,000 times over through creative performance?

i'm reminded of a scene from The Libertine: